Saturday, 23 June 2012

Anthropology 101: 'Bloggers Molestus'

(*Molestus = Latin for annoying, disagreeable or troublesome)

I have noticed that some bloggers are such bullies and bores. Here are the 'blogger species' that really annoy me:

- Species 1: 'Broken hearted-tus'.........................:                            Bloggers who go on and on about snaring a man/ woman......
Why cant I find a man? 
Why cant I find a woman? 
Why did he leave me? 
Why did she leave me? 
My dear, maybe the fact that you spend so much time online is a hint ?
If you are still dwelling on the same questions after eighteen months (at the most) need to leave your computer and go out more. If not, you might end up dating/marrying the computer.

- Species 2: 'Hair Nazi-tus'.........:                  Bloggers who are pro-natural hair and go from blog to blog bullying others about  how they choose to wear their hair. Haba ! 
Please tell me when the Nazis reincarnated in the form of forceful-natural-hair wearing black women............ ?
Please give it a rest, we know natural is fantastic but no one should be attacked for their personal choice of hair style (if they don't hurt anyone). I am happy you made that go away and condition your hair..........!

- Species 3: 'Bad belle-tus'....................

- Species 4: 'Fabulosity-tus'.......................:                                                                  Bloggers who only post about every event they attend - always in the most glamorous attire and surrounded by fabulous people. 
I do accept that not everyone lives a mundane life like mine - full of deadlines, homework, chores and budgeting. However, it would be great if these 'fabulosity-tus bloggers'  put up posts about their normal days so they don't mislead impressionable kids into thinking 'fabulosity is an everyday thing. 
ALSO, I would ask these fabulosity-tus bloggers to please add some information about their occupation/ sponsors so readers can understand how their lifestyle is funded. I know they'll say its none of my business but I implore them to take it upon themselves to save at least one girl or boy who wants to emulate them from 'runs' and 'thiefing'...............abi? 

- Species 5: 'Woe-betide-me-tus'...................:                                                Bloggers who revel in despair even when others try to help or cheer them up. If these bloggers think they have the worst life in the world, I would advice they remember that the fact that they have access to a computer OR that they have fingers to type OR have eyes to even read means they are better off than most.
One of the best things about blogging is that one can chart one's progress when one reads old posts i.e. old posts can reveal how sad/ happy/ frustrated one was 2 years ago etc etc
For all those woe-betide-me-tus amongst us, I would advice you read your old posts from time to time. If you are still moaning about the same things you were moaning about two years ago..............It is time to realise that all those 'It is well' comments from your readers simply means 'Sh*t up and get a grip !'

Which one am I ? Blogger Optimistic-tus (I choose to focus on the good in life) Difficult...but a conscious decision.
Do let me know which you think you are......................! *stroking my chin and looking at you* LOL

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Dont give up

In this life, you might stumble
As you try to battle
The never ending challenges
And the occasional bruises.......
That life throws at you

At times one wonders
And even ponders
If its all worth the bother
When you face another boulder.......
That life throws at you

Joy can often be fleeting
While pain is often lingering
But never go too far away
From places where love holds sway........
No matter what life throws at you

Always remain beware
Of those who embrace depair
Never give up
Ill-wind will definitely letup.........
No matter what life throws at you

Surround yourself with love
Like fingers in a glove
Distance yourself from hate
And all deadweight........
Dont give up......No matter what life throws at you !

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Lest We Forget

 I know we have all heard about the recent plane crash in Nigeria. So many lives lost needlessly.
Soon - after the dust has settled -  the media will move onto something else. Similarly, most of those who were unaffected by the plane crash will all move on the latest news item.........the latest red carpet event........the latest political shenanigans........the latest beauty competition......the latest celebrity divorce.......the latest 'upper class wedding'..........
Parents who lost children will never forget; spouses who lost their partners will never forget; children who lost parents will never forget; friends who lost loved ones will never forget.

Lest we forget........ here is a timeline of recent plane crashes in Nigeria: 

>> Sept. 26, 1992 – A Nigerian Air Force C-130 crashed minutes after taking off from Lagos airport. Around 200 people died.
>> June 25, 1995 – A Harka Airlines Soviet-era Tupolev Tu-134 crashed at Lagos airport, killing 15 people.
>> Nov. 13, 1995 – A Nigeria Airways Boeing 737 crashed on landing in Kaduna, killing nine people.
>> Nov. 7, 1996 – A Boeing 727 operated by Nigeria's ADC crashed on its way from Port Harcourt to Lagos. All 142 passengers and nine crew died.
>> May 4, 2002 – A Nigerian EAS Airlines BAC 1-11 crashed in Kano. At least 148 people were killed, 75 on the plane and at least 73 on the ground.
>> Oct. 22, 2005 – A Nigerian Bellview Airlines Boeing 737 airliner crashed shortly after take-off from Lagos. All 111 passengers and six crew were killed.
>> Dec. 10, 2005 – A Nigerian Sosoliso Airlines DC9 from Abuja crashed on landing in Port Harcourt, killing 106 people, half of them schoolchildren on their way home for Christmas.
>> Sept. 17, 2006 – Twelve Nigerian military personnel, mostly high-ranking officers, were killed in a plane crash in Benue state. Six survived.
>> Oct. 29, 2006 – An ADC airliner with 114 passengers on board crashed and burned after take-off from Abuja, killing 96 people.

This means that over the past 20 years, Nigeria has lost at least a thousand lives to plane crashes. This is not God's will. 

To better understand how bad this is....... one must note that since the UK started operating in Afghanistan in October 2001 - as part of coalition forces - 417 British forces' personnel have died (as at 3rd June 2012)

This means we are losing more people during peace time than other countries who are at war.  I read somehwere that 'What is right is often forgotten by what is convenient' (Bodie Thoene, Warsaw Requiem). This describes Nigerian processes and procedures perfectly. 

To all who are in positions of power and influence but choose NOT to do the right thing, I say....You have blood on your hands !!!

Friday, 1 June 2012

Exploring and Questioning Norms ..........Part 3

Thanks for reading the previous parts of this post. Here is the final part:
Another Disclaimer: My opinions are just that... My opinions. I am not anti-anybody. I say what I see.

So................ here is the final part of my post on some of Nigerian norms I question:

(5) Women should be seen not heard:
Despite all the 'progress' we have made, I still feel that women are not respected in Nigerian culture. Yes, we value our mothers and appreciate our sisters etc etc.  But does the society actually respect women? I think - to a large extent - NO !

My opinion is largely shaped by how Nigerian women are generally treated when it comes to marriage. Here are instances relating to marriage that have shaped my view:

(a) Assumptions about Single Women: While we all claim to be more enlightened than previous generations, I feel single women are generally disrespected in some situations and women are generally more respected by Nigerian society if they are married.
For example, a single well dressed lady is generally treated with suspicion - and assumed to be a 'hooker' - if she is unaccompanied in a restaurant or hotel bar. I know some of you will say that they shouldn't be in such places in the first place OR that this doesnt happen nowadays BUT I recall how I was treated suspiciously when I stayed alone in an Abuja hotel. Also, a post on Linda's blog discussed this issue, so this must be common. You can read here............

(b) Propositioning Women Randomly: It does appear most Naija men see all women as fair game' - to be approached and 'chatted up' randomly. Unfortunately, it appears that the richer the man is, the more confident he feels the lady will accept his 'dog-like' approach.
When I was in Nigeria, I was lucky enough to co-own a business and I can say that whenever I started discussing business with a  potential male investor or client ; 90% of the time, their first thought was how they could get me into bed. From what I see nowadays, nothing much has changed........

(c) Marriage Pressure: No need to expantiate abi? As soon as a young lady is getting to her late 20s, she is pressured to get married. Even the most 'enlightened' of parents is guilty of this..........They start with subtle hints and then it becomes a full blown chant.........till the poor girl starts seeing 'Marriage' in her sleep, her cornflakes, her plate of rice etc etc. LOL I actually know people who are scared to call home now because of this pressure :((((

(d) The In-laws: Once a woman does get married. She is expected to welcome her in-laws into her home with open arms.................Often with no questions asked, no consultation or consideration for what her own plans might be. It's almost as if as soon as she is married.......... she is expected to become dumb and mute.
I know someone who found it difficult to pass her professional exams because her house was constantly being 'invaded' by her husband's relatives visiting London.
Another lady who is dear to me had to put her foot down and insist on less visitors when she realised that her salary was going on constantly beefing up their monthly feeding budget - as hubby's people were constantly in their home.
Another more traditional friend was playing hostess to her husband's younger siblings in London while her hubby was busy in Nigeria gallivanting with hot babes. The worst thing was her in-laws even knew her hubby's 'main girlfriend' in Nigeria............... *hissssssssss*

(e) Marriage as the Dream-killer: I will say that more often than not, most Nigerian women put their dreams aside after they get marrried.
Why is it that so many Nigerian men state that they like 'ambitious, go-getters' as potential wives. However, after marriage, they are quick to complain that their new bride is 'too ambitious and driven'. The very things that attracted the man to the woman now appear so unappealing.
So if a girl is considering marriage, here are a few questions to consider:
'You want to get a Masters degree?'........
'You want to occupy a senior position in your organisation?'.................
'You want to open your own business?'................
Well, you better discuss this with your potential hubby so your dream doesnt die. However, discussion with hubby is no guarantee these dreams will not be pushed to one side because quite a lot of Nigerian men will encourage your plans - ONLY IF they don't interfere with (a) You producing children; (b) Your husband's own plans and (c) You ensuring the home is run properly.......

(f) The Forbidden 'D' word: The 'D' word I refer to is the 'Divorce' word. More often than not, Nigerian women are made to feel that whatever is wrong with the marriage can be fixed if they pray or obey their husbands. Yes......
- It doesnt matter if he is a womaniser...
- It doesnt matter if he doesnt support the woman.....
- It doesnt matter if he treats her badly..........................................NO, NO, NO....
To wear that honourable badge of 'Mrs X'.....most Nigerian women are often advised 'to pray and humble themselves'. Ha ha, I laugh in Spanish. This kind of advice is what gives a lot of Naija men the balls to misbehave and maltreat women. Humph

(g) The Last Straw:
I am always saddened when I hear instances where widows are maltreated following their husband's death.I still see instances where...
- The wife is often blamed if her hubby dies suddenly
- The wife is expected to take a back seat in the planning of her hubby's funeral
- The hubby's people seize his properties without considering the wife or his children
- The welfare of the wife and children is ignored as soon as their bread winner passes away
- Widows live with the 'stigma' of losing a husband (through no fault of their own)
This is so sad and I cannot even imagine what a widow goes through when she has to bury her husband, take care of children - while dealing with hostile, suspicious inlaws. *sigh*

I must say that despite these irksome customs, we have still seen strong women emerge Queen Idia,  Mama Ransome Kuti,   Madam Tinubu, Queen Amina of Zaria etc etc ...........This serves as evidence that Nigerian women can overcome all that is stacked against them. However, it takes a lot of resilience and stubborness. mmmmmm

So, my dear people, I don talk finish. If I talk true, make God bless me....If I talk lie, make I continue to chop better food. Amen (I have finished talking. If I have told the truth, may God bless me, If I have lied, may I  continue to eat good food. Amen) LOL

Do tell me what you think about our Nigerian culture - and how it treats its women.
Also, do tell me which customs you DO NOT like or wish would fade away with time

Take care and God bless