Saturday, 30 July 2011

Mama Peace vs Papa Peace (Part 2)

I wrote the first part of this poem - the wife's side - sometime ago. Read here.
This second part is a response from the man...................................................

I no blame you
See your mouth like mumu.
You no know how I be
Before you agree marry me?
Abegi, I happy to go ! 

My belle dey sweet
Because your wahala be like meat;
Wey don spoil sotay....
People dey smell am from far far away.
Abegi, I happy to go !

You sabi sleep church
But your tafia tooo much.
You even be church leader
But your ashewo no get meter.
Abegi, I happy to go !

Yes, I carry your sister
But you follow my brother.
Yes, I follow Dora
But you kele Pastor.
Abegi, I happy to go !

I even thank God
Say na only Peace be my blood.
The other four go surely go prison
So wetin be my own ?
Yeye woman, I don dey go !

mumu = fool
Abegi = Please (sarcastically)
belle = tummy
wahala = trouble
sotay = so much, so badly
tafia = being nosy, gossiping
ashewo = prostitute
kele = to sleep/ have sex with
wetin = what
yeye = useless

English Version:
I really cannot stand you
With your mouth like a shrew.
You knew what I was
Before you latched onto me with your claws.
Puhleasse..I am glad to go ! 

My mood has now turned sweet
Because your attitude stinks like meat
That has become so putrid
Its smell travels far far afield.
Puhleasse..I am glad to go ! 

You are always the last to leave church
Yet you gossip so much.
In church you are a cornerstone
Yet your promiscuity is well known.
Puhleasse..I am glad to go !

Yes, I slept with your sister
But you ravished my brother.
Yes, I cheated with Dora
But you seduced the Pastor.
Puhleasse..I am glad to go !

I even thank God
That only Peace is truly my  blood.
The other four are surely prison-bound
So why should I hang around? 
Puhleasse..I am glad to go !

Sunday, 24 July 2011

Follow Follow

Some tings dey tire me oh.............................Somethings really make me throw my hands up in the air and just say - 'I GIVE UP !'

One such thing is some people's ability to follow EVERY trend - without putting two brain cells together to ask themselves whether the trend even makes sense. Here are few examples of 'Follow Follow' that have left me in a state of wonderment.

Rapper Gucci Mane (
My people what's the point? I have noticed some Naija people with very dark complexions getting tattoos that no-one can ever notice.......and the tattos end up looking like keloids. 

Some of them say they love tattoos because they are addicted to pain. My brothers and sisters if you desire week in Kirikiri prison should help.

More surprising, I have seen Naija peeps with tattoos in a foreign language they don't even understand...... I kid you not.  For example, I was at a party in London one day, when I noticed a tattoo on one cute Naija babe's back. On closer inspection, I noticed the tattoo was in a language I couldn't read. 
Me: "What does that say dear?"
Girl (looking smug): "Oh my tat? It says 'God loves me - in Hindi"
Me: mmm (biting my tongue so as not to say something sarcastic)

My people, in Hindi oh!............................ Yoruba dey there, Ibo dey there, Hausa nko? Bini biko....even Pidgin sef !!! FOLLOW FOLLOW !

Since leggings came back into fashion, the things my eyes have mouth cannot even utter. I love, love fashion and I see it as a good way to express oneself. But.....there are limits oh!

Everytime I go out, I see all sorts of shapes and sizes in leggings - worn as trousers. If the person wearing it is a very young girl with a petite shape, the sight is a bit bearable. 

However, I keep on seeing some of my African sisters with heavy ikebe (backside) parading London in leggings they wear as trousers. I pity the poor leggings because I feel they must be begging for mercy - as they have stretched so much, lycra, cotton and nylon must don separate. (The lycra, cotton and nylon components must have gone their separate ways)

PS - I dont even want to get started on how many camel toes and cellulite puddings I have been accosted with.  Please oh...........FASHION TREND + FOLLOW FOLLOW = EYE SORE !!!!

*pouting = To push one's lips or one's bottom lip forward as an expression of petulant annoyance or in order to make oneself look attractive**

Whenever I look at pics of 'Naija celebrities' -especially Nollywood actresses; I have noticed that quite a lot of them seem to pout whenever they pose for pictures. I really do not understand this trend.

A lot of caucasians pout (to make their lips appear bigger) because their lips are usually thinner than those of Africans..........HOWEVER, my brothers and sisters, you all know that we (Africans) are not lacking in that department. LOL

So please tell me why oh why, our so-called celebs have to copy this also. Abeg, una 'facial kpomo' dey need for enhancement oh !!! 

Even sef, how many Naija men dey look girl lips as the most attractive feature for im bodi ? Most men I know dey focus on the girl Face, Nkiru or her Azuka !! LOL
(Translation: How many Nigerian men actually fall for a girl because of her lips? Most men are initially attracted by a girl's face, boobs or backside !!)

Just like the ladies who wear leggings as trousers; I cannot understand why a grown man will want to show his underwear in public.

This trend is bad enough on teenagers .......but when I see it on a grown man; I conclude the person must be an Agbaya (old fool).  The only time a man should display his underwear in public is when he is about to swim OR he is being paid to model them. Finito 

Honestly, whenever I see an adult with sagging jeans and boxers on show in public; all I can think about is solied nappies/ diaper.

This is one of those trends that separates those WITH and WITHOUT common sense. Call me old fashioned, but this trend is gross !

Long eyelashes can make a woman look even more beautiful so I totally understand the current trend of having false eyelashes fixed.

However, some of these eyelashes can only be called 'Health and Safety' hazards'.  How do you know you have fixed a hazard on your eyes?.....: 
- If your lashes are long enough to are in trouble. 
- If they hamper your vision, ditto;
- If the whole day seems like 24 hours have to advice yourself seriously.
My people ........................I no fit shout. According to my people:........... FLY WEY NO DEY HEAR WORD, GO FOLLOW DEAD BODY ENTER GRAVE (The fly that refuses to heed advice will end up in a grave with a corpse)

This post reminded me of a lovely video I saw last year: 'Follow Follow' by Nigerian musician 'Gaise'. A lot of what he says makes real sense. Watch and enjoy: 

Friday, 22 July 2011

Recognising your own Worth

Quite a few blogs I have read recently have been talking about marriage. Most female bloggers seem to be complaining about a lack of suitors.....and the male bloggers seem to be lamenting that the women they meet lack that ‘something special’

This has got me thinking a bit......and my thoughts keep dwelling on what I feel quite a lot of single girls (I have come across) seem to lack. While I know this post might get a few ladies angry with me. However, I am determined to say my piece because....if I had a daughter, this is a conversation I would have with her.

Before I begin, I have to say that marriage is not for everyone......However, quite a lot people still believe it is............So, here goes:

My observation is that a lot of girls I have met/ spoken to/ watched grow up do not seem to know their worth.

By that, I mean they do not appreciate that a good wife is an asset to a man........ and it is the men that should be desperate to get their hands on a good wife. Don't get me wrong, I do realise that men generally do not realise this. However, more often than not, the people around them (mothers, dads, sisters etc) are very good at pointing good wife material out to them.

A tale about my good friend will explain further:
My friend was in a bad marriage. Most people thought she should have stayed with her husband - especially as they had three kids together; but she knew she was worth so much more. So, she took a decision to leave her husband. Well, three years later, she met a man who loved her and her kids. Long story short, they got married and she had twins............!!!!

She is not by any means my only friend who has been 'snapped up' .....even after being married and having kids.........In fact I have three friends who are in the same boat. When I look at them....I can see that they share similar personalities: They are all happy, cheerful women who don't let life get them down. These ladies knew their worth...and project it. These women are real DIAMONDS - rare and valuable.

Most men I know don't like stress at all. They want an easy life....and if they feel a woman will facilitate this easy life, they will go after her. To be clear, I am not saying that a woman should be subservient to a man. However, from experience; a woman who realises she is a diamond....and would be an invaluable addition to a man's more often than not 'snapped up' without any delay.

People always say 'Women are always desperately trying to snare good men'....To be honest, women need to know that a lot of men are desperately seeking good women:

My definition of a good woman (in relation to marriage/ romantic relationships):
- A good woman knows how to manage a home for £10 or for £100;
- A good woman knows how to feed 10 or 100 people with the little she has;
- A good woman makes sure the kids eat even when the cupboards are bare;
- A good woman know when/ how to cover her husband/partner's inadequacies from other family members;
- A good woman knows what to say or do when her husband/partner is down;
- A good woman knows how to make her home an oasis of peace from the big, bad world.

So, if I had a daughter, my message to her would be 'Know your worth, Project it ........and Believe it. If you believe you are a valuable asset, others will too. Like I said before, marriage is not for everyone. However, girls really need to get over this idea that a man is doing them a favour - by marrying them. To be honest, IF you are a are doing him a favour !

................ I asked my good friend - whose experience I used here - to read this post. She's quite reserved, but this was her reply (in an email) :

........'Read ur blog. Lol. A precious gem who knows her worth!!! Moi. 
        Was a good read and oh, so true. Women these days are desperate to be 'Mrs', they are taking absolute rubbish from men who dont and can't even hold a candle to them. Pschewww!'

Saturday, 16 July 2011

Thank you

I opened my emails this morning and was shocked to see an email from GNG to say that I have been awarded the 'Best Parenting Blog' by The Nigerian Blog Awards 2011.

To say I am shocked is an understatement - mainly because I still think my blog is 'not quite there', in terms of consistency, quality and depth. So, I see this award as an encouragement to do better.

A big THANK YOU to all who voted for me. Thank you to other bloggers who motivated me to start blogging, to read their blogs and to even think deeply about the issues they raised in their posts.

I know I have been awarded the 'Best Parenting Blog' but I want you all to know that I am still learning how to be a good parent.
So, do not be surprised if ........................................
(1) You run into me one day and I am screaming at my kids OR
(2) You hear I made a parenting mistake OR
(3) My kids think I am an awful mum OR
(4) My hubby thinks I can do better.

LOL..........................Thanks to you all.

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Please help a sister out

My blog sister Ginger is carrying out research into the effect of Sickle cell disorder on reproductive behavior.
As someone who carries out research, I can confirm that questioning Nigerians in particular (and Africans in general) is not an easy task. So, I would like to ask you all to please, please, please, please help a sister out. ABEG
Please take 20 minutes to complete the SURVEY HERE
*Closing my eyes in prayer and stretching my hands out to you*
As you help, so others will help you
Whatever you seek, you will find
You will be blessed hundredfold.
Amen and amen
Thank you all 

PS - Ginger is not paying me oh. This is investment for when her big bucks start rolling in *smile*

Saturday, 2 July 2011

Celebrating Love

I just read the lovely Sting's blog and I was reminded of a video I watched recently.

It was a song titled 'Be Your Man' by a Nigerian artiste called Dipo.

This song is one of my favourites right now.

With all the bad news we hear about love and relationships, things like this remind us that love can be sooooo beautiful. Please view and enjoy:

Have a blessed and relaxing weekend